NOTE TO MYSELF: SOME PEOPLE WIN PRIZES FOR BAD SEX - IN FICTION
The object of writing and/or authoring a book is for people to read it and for the book to be noticed. In this case, the book was definitely noticed but not for the usual reasons.
Irish author, Rowan Somerville, was awarded the "Bad Sex in Fiction" prize for his novel, "The Shape of Her."
A sample of the writing says it all:
“Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her."
What can one say, comment or write after reading such - um - uniquely-expressed words? In winning the award, Somerville beat British Columbia author, Annabel Lyon, who was nominated for her book, "The Golden Mean, which explored the relationship between Aristotle and a young Alexander the Great. Sure - why not. Sounds good to me.
Last year's winner was "The Kindly Ones" by American author Jonathan Littell, which described a sex act as "a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg." Oh my...
The annual award was created 18 years ago by the British literary magazine, Literary Review, to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it".
To see a list of other finalists, drop by here:
http://www.literaryreview.co.uk/badsex.html
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
A shining light for Chanukah
NOTE TO MYSELF: SMALL ACTS CAN LEAVE BIG IMPRESSIONS
As a youngster, Christmas was somewhat of a demoralizing time of the year. Since our family was of the Jewish faith, we celebrated the holiday of Chanukah, which didn't seem to me to be half as exciting as the furor that went along with trimming a tree.
On occasion Chanukah fell during the same period as Christmas and somehow I couldn't work up as much enthusiasm for lighting a candle even if it was colored, as my friends seemed to experience placing ornaments on the branches of their trees.
It was difficult for me to accept that a tree even a miniature one was out of the question, in spite of reminders that people of the Jewish faith don’t celebrate Christmas. Even the protestations that we could call it a Chanukah bush, it was obvious that there was no way a fir tree would be part of our celebrations.
Traditionally at Chanukah, children receive gifts of gelt or money and light small colored candles in a hanukiah (candelabra) one per night for the eight days of the holiday. While this was nice, in my mind it didn't measure up to all the excitement related to the "other" holiday.
At Hebrew school we always celebrated the various holidays, big and small and Chanukah was a particular favorite especially since our class, being the eldest students, entertained the residents of a senior’s home. Each year the teacher would select eight students to sing and perform to play the role of Chanukah candles with fierce competition for the part of the shamash or lead candle.
Not being blessed with a good singing voice and barely able to carry a tune, I knew that my chances were slim at best to play any candle, never mind the lead candle. My biggest rival was Zelig, who had the voice and promise of a future opera singer. Not only did he have the best singing voice, he was also the top student scholastically. He was also the teacher's pet. Whenever games were played for prizes during the holidays, Zelig won everything, which didn't exactly ingratiate him with the other students. Actually, we were all jealous and would have liked nothing better than for his voice to change in the middle of a concert.
Class auditions for candle parts were held a few weeks before the onset of the holiday and at best, the most I could hope for was a minor part and even then, only if the rest of the students had an off day or laryngitis. Each student auditioned for the teacher and as expected, Zelig got the lead role, which irritated me no end.
My resentment was eased somewhat by being assigned the role of a minor candle, probably out of pity more than anything else. Those students not chosen became part of the chorus singing "tra-la-las" at the appropriate time.
Excitement was at a fever pitch when we arrived at the seniors' home, ready to perform for a live audience who were, for the most part, in wheelchairs. They were brought into the auditorium where we were lined up on stage, anxious to perform.
Glancing around the room, many of the seniors appeared half asleep.
"You will be entertained today!" their nurses might have insisted as they wheeled them into the room before our arrival.
The first students opened the concert and sang well and those who followed performed admirably. Finally, it was my turn. My voice didn't fail me and I felt very proud of my accomplishment.
When Zelig opened his mouth it was like a chorus of angels had entered the room. His voice was strong and melodic and suddenly the seniors perked up, smiles on their faces in obvious appreciation of what they heard. When the last notes of his solo faded away, they all clapped appreciatively.
The musical recital was over and we performed a variety of Israeli dances, moving off the stage to mingle among our audience. Although Israeli dancing was a passion, I was consumed with the memory of the applause and accolades bestowed upon Zelig.
After our presentation and some refreshments, an elderly woman in a wheel chair came over to talk to me. She smiled, her trembling hand gently covering mine.
"Thank you," she uttered weakly and breathlessly. "You were all wonderful. How special you are to visit us!"
There was the sudden realization that it wasn't important who the lead candle was or who had the best voice. It was significant to our audience that we had taken the time to come at all.
It wasn't long after our successful performance that Zelig's voice finally broke and he never knew whether he would sing soprano or alto. Tough luck for him. My voice on the other hand, never changed and could always be depended on to sing off-key.
As a youngster, Christmas was somewhat of a demoralizing time of the year. Since our family was of the Jewish faith, we celebrated the holiday of Chanukah, which didn't seem to me to be half as exciting as the furor that went along with trimming a tree.
On occasion Chanukah fell during the same period as Christmas and somehow I couldn't work up as much enthusiasm for lighting a candle even if it was colored, as my friends seemed to experience placing ornaments on the branches of their trees.
It was difficult for me to accept that a tree even a miniature one was out of the question, in spite of reminders that people of the Jewish faith don’t celebrate Christmas. Even the protestations that we could call it a Chanukah bush, it was obvious that there was no way a fir tree would be part of our celebrations.
Traditionally at Chanukah, children receive gifts of gelt or money and light small colored candles in a hanukiah (candelabra) one per night for the eight days of the holiday. While this was nice, in my mind it didn't measure up to all the excitement related to the "other" holiday.
At Hebrew school we always celebrated the various holidays, big and small and Chanukah was a particular favorite especially since our class, being the eldest students, entertained the residents of a senior’s home. Each year the teacher would select eight students to sing and perform to play the role of Chanukah candles with fierce competition for the part of the shamash or lead candle.
Not being blessed with a good singing voice and barely able to carry a tune, I knew that my chances were slim at best to play any candle, never mind the lead candle. My biggest rival was Zelig, who had the voice and promise of a future opera singer. Not only did he have the best singing voice, he was also the top student scholastically. He was also the teacher's pet. Whenever games were played for prizes during the holidays, Zelig won everything, which didn't exactly ingratiate him with the other students. Actually, we were all jealous and would have liked nothing better than for his voice to change in the middle of a concert.
Class auditions for candle parts were held a few weeks before the onset of the holiday and at best, the most I could hope for was a minor part and even then, only if the rest of the students had an off day or laryngitis. Each student auditioned for the teacher and as expected, Zelig got the lead role, which irritated me no end.
My resentment was eased somewhat by being assigned the role of a minor candle, probably out of pity more than anything else. Those students not chosen became part of the chorus singing "tra-la-las" at the appropriate time.
Excitement was at a fever pitch when we arrived at the seniors' home, ready to perform for a live audience who were, for the most part, in wheelchairs. They were brought into the auditorium where we were lined up on stage, anxious to perform.
Glancing around the room, many of the seniors appeared half asleep.
"You will be entertained today!" their nurses might have insisted as they wheeled them into the room before our arrival.
The first students opened the concert and sang well and those who followed performed admirably. Finally, it was my turn. My voice didn't fail me and I felt very proud of my accomplishment.
When Zelig opened his mouth it was like a chorus of angels had entered the room. His voice was strong and melodic and suddenly the seniors perked up, smiles on their faces in obvious appreciation of what they heard. When the last notes of his solo faded away, they all clapped appreciatively.
The musical recital was over and we performed a variety of Israeli dances, moving off the stage to mingle among our audience. Although Israeli dancing was a passion, I was consumed with the memory of the applause and accolades bestowed upon Zelig.
After our presentation and some refreshments, an elderly woman in a wheel chair came over to talk to me. She smiled, her trembling hand gently covering mine.
"Thank you," she uttered weakly and breathlessly. "You were all wonderful. How special you are to visit us!"
There was the sudden realization that it wasn't important who the lead candle was or who had the best voice. It was significant to our audience that we had taken the time to come at all.
It wasn't long after our successful performance that Zelig's voice finally broke and he never knew whether he would sing soprano or alto. Tough luck for him. My voice on the other hand, never changed and could always be depended on to sing off-key.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Feel good story. Talk about sharing good fortune!
NOTE TO SELF: THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE WITH GOOD SOULS IN THIS WORLD
A retired couple living in Nova Scotia, Canada decided, as many of us do, to play the lottery. Up for grabs was an $11.2 million dollar jackpot and as many of us also do, they dreamed of a win. The couple, Alan, a former welder, and Violet Large, are senior citizens who live simple lives with Violet afflicted with cancer and undergoing chemotherapy.
Last July they hit the jackpot in the Lotto 6/49 winning $11,255,272 to be exact, which in itself is something given the odds against winning anything, especially a huge amount like this. It's what the couple did following their win, which makes this story one-in-a-million. They gave away almost $11.2 million of their winnings to family members, local churches, fire departments, cemetaries, Red Cross and hospitals who obviously meant a lot to Violet, given her health issues.
Once word got out about their generosity, a producer with ITV television in London called The Canadian Press on Thursday looking to connect with the Larges, and the story drew a flood of comments from readers on the Daily Mail's website in the United Kingdom. Not surprising since everyone wants to hear about good news and good people doing good things.
"As I say you can't buy your health and you can't buy happiness but if you can help someone out that's what you want to do," Violet said.
I've always believed that when you reach out and share your blessings, they return to you in kind. Now didn't this story make you smile?
A retired couple living in Nova Scotia, Canada decided, as many of us do, to play the lottery. Up for grabs was an $11.2 million dollar jackpot and as many of us also do, they dreamed of a win. The couple, Alan, a former welder, and Violet Large, are senior citizens who live simple lives with Violet afflicted with cancer and undergoing chemotherapy.
Last July they hit the jackpot in the Lotto 6/49 winning $11,255,272 to be exact, which in itself is something given the odds against winning anything, especially a huge amount like this. It's what the couple did following their win, which makes this story one-in-a-million. They gave away almost $11.2 million of their winnings to family members, local churches, fire departments, cemetaries, Red Cross and hospitals who obviously meant a lot to Violet, given her health issues.
Once word got out about their generosity, a producer with ITV television in London called The Canadian Press on Thursday looking to connect with the Larges, and the story drew a flood of comments from readers on the Daily Mail's website in the United Kingdom. Not surprising since everyone wants to hear about good news and good people doing good things.
"As I say you can't buy your health and you can't buy happiness but if you can help someone out that's what you want to do," Violet said.
I've always believed that when you reach out and share your blessings, they return to you in kind. Now didn't this story make you smile?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
We're safe - end of world prediction cancelled
NOTE TO SELF: MAKE VACATION PLANS - WORLD IS SAFE
After reading doomsday scenarios - I'm big on these - it's a relief to read that the 2012 Mayan cataclysmic end-of-the-world scenario has been cancelled. At least according to a new textbook "Calendars and Years II: Astronomy and Time in the Ancient and Medieval World" (Oxbow Books, 2010). As much as this news is a relief, there is no correction or re-prediction of when the end will come.
According to the critique which I haven't read, the accepted conversions of dates from Mayan to the modern calendar could be off as much as 50 to 100 years. Good. Still time to place my bets in Vegas. Since the Mayan calendar ended in 2012, earthlings interpreted this as an omen or indication that our time was up on planet earth.
In an article published on the Live Science site: ( http://www.livescience.com/culture/mayan-apocalypse-miscalculated-calendar-101018.html) "the Mayan calendar was converted to today's Gregorian calendar using a calculation called the GMT constant, named for the last initials of three early Mayanist researchers. Much of the work emphasized dates recovered from colonial documents that were written in the Mayan language in the Latin alphabet, according to the chapter's author, Gerardo Aldana, University of California, Santa Barbara professor of Chicana and Chicano Studies."
Later, the GMT constant was bolstered by American linguist and anthropologist Floyd Lounsbury, who used data in the Dresden Codex Venus Table, a Mayan calendar and almanac that charts dates relative to the movements of Venus. There is a further explanation focusing on the rationale for reaching this conclusion in the Live Science piece.
Over the years and centuries, there have been numerous end-of-world predictions, obviously all of which have not panned out. The James Randi Educational Foundation, a non-profit organization, "aims to promote critical thinking by reaching out to the public and media with reliable information about paranormal and supernatural ideas so widespread in our society today." The Foundation offers a $1,000,000 prize to any person or persons who can demonstrate any psychic, supernatural or paranormal ability of any kind under mutually agreed upon scientific conditions. This prize money is held in a special account which cannot be accessed for any purpose other than the awarding of the prize.
The site features an impressive list of end-of-world prophecies that have failed over the centuries. For example:
- October 3, 1533, at Eight A.M. Mathematician and Bible student Michael Stifel (known as Stifelius) had calculated an exact date and time for Doomsday from scholarly perusal of the Book of Revelation. When they did not vaporize, the curiously ungrateful citizens of the German town of Lochau, where Stifel had announced the dreaded day, rewarded him with a thorough flogging. He also lost his ecclesiastical living as a result of his prophetic failure.
- 1665 With the Black Plague in full force, Quaker Solomon Eccles terrorized the citizens of London yet further with his declaration that the resident pestilence was merely the beginning of The End. He was arrested and jailed when the plague began to abate rather than increasing. Eccles fled to the West Indies upon his release from prison, whereupon he once again exercised his zeal for agitation by inciting the slaves there to revolt. The Crown fetched him back home as a troublemaker, and he died shortly thereafter.
- October 13, 1736 London was once again targeted for the "beginning of the end," this time by William Whiston. The Thames filled with waiting boatloads of citizens, but it didn't even rain. Another setback.
There is a whole list of failed appocolyptic prognostications listed on the site, in alphabetical order that actually make interesting reading.
http://www.randi.org/encyclopedia/appendix3.html
The bottom line to all of this is in my humble opinion, people really don't want to know when the end of the world will be. I mean, even if any of the predictions were accurate, what can we humble human beings do about it? Build a bunker deep down in the earth's bowels and wait it out in hope that we will survive? Actually, there are companies that are in the business of doing just this - for a price of course.
http://homelandsecuritynewswire.com/end-world-shelter-company-selling-bunker-space
Meanwhile, I'll take my chances in Vegas - odds are that I will lose some money - and that's a sure thing.
After reading doomsday scenarios - I'm big on these - it's a relief to read that the 2012 Mayan cataclysmic end-of-the-world scenario has been cancelled. At least according to a new textbook "Calendars and Years II: Astronomy and Time in the Ancient and Medieval World" (Oxbow Books, 2010). As much as this news is a relief, there is no correction or re-prediction of when the end will come.
According to the critique which I haven't read, the accepted conversions of dates from Mayan to the modern calendar could be off as much as 50 to 100 years. Good. Still time to place my bets in Vegas. Since the Mayan calendar ended in 2012, earthlings interpreted this as an omen or indication that our time was up on planet earth.
In an article published on the Live Science site: ( http://www.livescience.com/culture/mayan-apocalypse-miscalculated-calendar-101018.html) "the Mayan calendar was converted to today's Gregorian calendar using a calculation called the GMT constant, named for the last initials of three early Mayanist researchers. Much of the work emphasized dates recovered from colonial documents that were written in the Mayan language in the Latin alphabet, according to the chapter's author, Gerardo Aldana, University of California, Santa Barbara professor of Chicana and Chicano Studies."
Later, the GMT constant was bolstered by American linguist and anthropologist Floyd Lounsbury, who used data in the Dresden Codex Venus Table, a Mayan calendar and almanac that charts dates relative to the movements of Venus. There is a further explanation focusing on the rationale for reaching this conclusion in the Live Science piece.
Over the years and centuries, there have been numerous end-of-world predictions, obviously all of which have not panned out. The James Randi Educational Foundation, a non-profit organization, "aims to promote critical thinking by reaching out to the public and media with reliable information about paranormal and supernatural ideas so widespread in our society today." The Foundation offers a $1,000,000 prize to any person or persons who can demonstrate any psychic, supernatural or paranormal ability of any kind under mutually agreed upon scientific conditions. This prize money is held in a special account which cannot be accessed for any purpose other than the awarding of the prize.
The site features an impressive list of end-of-world prophecies that have failed over the centuries. For example:
- October 3, 1533, at Eight A.M. Mathematician and Bible student Michael Stifel (known as Stifelius) had calculated an exact date and time for Doomsday from scholarly perusal of the Book of Revelation. When they did not vaporize, the curiously ungrateful citizens of the German town of Lochau, where Stifel had announced the dreaded day, rewarded him with a thorough flogging. He also lost his ecclesiastical living as a result of his prophetic failure.
- 1665 With the Black Plague in full force, Quaker Solomon Eccles terrorized the citizens of London yet further with his declaration that the resident pestilence was merely the beginning of The End. He was arrested and jailed when the plague began to abate rather than increasing. Eccles fled to the West Indies upon his release from prison, whereupon he once again exercised his zeal for agitation by inciting the slaves there to revolt. The Crown fetched him back home as a troublemaker, and he died shortly thereafter.
- October 13, 1736 London was once again targeted for the "beginning of the end," this time by William Whiston. The Thames filled with waiting boatloads of citizens, but it didn't even rain. Another setback.
There is a whole list of failed appocolyptic prognostications listed on the site, in alphabetical order that actually make interesting reading.
http://www.randi.org/encyclopedia/appendix3.html
The bottom line to all of this is in my humble opinion, people really don't want to know when the end of the world will be. I mean, even if any of the predictions were accurate, what can we humble human beings do about it? Build a bunker deep down in the earth's bowels and wait it out in hope that we will survive? Actually, there are companies that are in the business of doing just this - for a price of course.
http://homelandsecuritynewswire.com/end-world-shelter-company-selling-bunker-space
Meanwhile, I'll take my chances in Vegas - odds are that I will lose some money - and that's a sure thing.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
People 50+ could be happier according to poll
NOTE TO SELF: LET A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA
Never really gave it much thought but according to a British poll, Brits turn into grumps once they reach their 50th birthday. Actually, thinking further, many people are miseries earlier in life but that as they say, is another subject. The poll conducted by researchers from Glamorgan University surveyed the laughability of 2000 Britons. It would also be interesting to know what qualifies them as experts in this category and how much money the researchers received for conducting this study. British surveys do tend to cover interesting subjects. One wonders what the researchers are going to do with the results of survey. How do you convince those in the 50-plus age category to lighten up and laugh more?
The study claims that Brits laugh a lot less once they reach 52. Why 52 one asks or why not say...51...or 53. Furthermore, the researchers feel that the art of telling jokes is dying and good jokes are limited to one or two passable gags. Fourteen percent of people have never told a joke. Perhaps that's because some jokes go over like a lead balloon, as mine frequently do. There is nothing worse - IMHO - than telling a joke and nobody laughs, or you have to explain the joke. I mean, why be embarrassed!
Statistically, people laugh 300 times per day but only six times per day by the time they reach their teens. In other words, we take joy and find the world a happy place in which to live as children but learn otherwise once we reach adult-hood.
People in their 20's laugh a mere 4x per day but re-aquire a sense of humor when they have children. Once in their 30's, the average goes up to 5 laughs per day with almost 47% being people who have children. However, once we reach our 50's, our laughs decrease to 3x per day. Twice as many males turn into cranks than females when they reach their 50's. What is interesting is that being around children makes adults happier people.
So all of these stats leads one to wonder how they formed these conclusions. Did they interview people in the various age brackets and ask them to tell jokes and then rate the jokes, or ask them to keep a diary of the number of times per day they laughed, showed them comedies and gauged their reactions? There's no information on the criteria and also humor is subjective. What some people find funny, others find inane and stupid. Another thing to take into consideration is that this is a poll focusing on Brits. It would be interesting to know if polls have been done in other parts of the world and if the results are/were similar.
Basically and IMHO, this poll really can't be taken seriously and perhaps it's fitting given the subject matter being humor.
Never really gave it much thought but according to a British poll, Brits turn into grumps once they reach their 50th birthday. Actually, thinking further, many people are miseries earlier in life but that as they say, is another subject. The poll conducted by researchers from Glamorgan University surveyed the laughability of 2000 Britons. It would also be interesting to know what qualifies them as experts in this category and how much money the researchers received for conducting this study. British surveys do tend to cover interesting subjects. One wonders what the researchers are going to do with the results of survey. How do you convince those in the 50-plus age category to lighten up and laugh more?
The study claims that Brits laugh a lot less once they reach 52. Why 52 one asks or why not say...51...or 53. Furthermore, the researchers feel that the art of telling jokes is dying and good jokes are limited to one or two passable gags. Fourteen percent of people have never told a joke. Perhaps that's because some jokes go over like a lead balloon, as mine frequently do. There is nothing worse - IMHO - than telling a joke and nobody laughs, or you have to explain the joke. I mean, why be embarrassed!
Statistically, people laugh 300 times per day but only six times per day by the time they reach their teens. In other words, we take joy and find the world a happy place in which to live as children but learn otherwise once we reach adult-hood.
People in their 20's laugh a mere 4x per day but re-aquire a sense of humor when they have children. Once in their 30's, the average goes up to 5 laughs per day with almost 47% being people who have children. However, once we reach our 50's, our laughs decrease to 3x per day. Twice as many males turn into cranks than females when they reach their 50's. What is interesting is that being around children makes adults happier people.
So all of these stats leads one to wonder how they formed these conclusions. Did they interview people in the various age brackets and ask them to tell jokes and then rate the jokes, or ask them to keep a diary of the number of times per day they laughed, showed them comedies and gauged their reactions? There's no information on the criteria and also humor is subjective. What some people find funny, others find inane and stupid. Another thing to take into consideration is that this is a poll focusing on Brits. It would be interesting to know if polls have been done in other parts of the world and if the results are/were similar.
Basically and IMHO, this poll really can't be taken seriously and perhaps it's fitting given the subject matter being humor.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Dog receives communion - people outraged
NOTE TO SELF: SOME PEOPLE CAN BE SO UNCHARITABLE
So a man and his 5-year old pooch, Trapper, walk into an Anglican church in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and the man wants communion. Nothing wrong with that - right? Think so? The priest welcomed the pair and when it was time for the human to receive communion, his dog followed him. The priest, Margaret Rea, didn't see anything wrong with giving both human and pooch communion, an act which is causing an uproar.
Rea said she had nothing to add to the apology she has already offered to her congregation.
"The incident is done, it's over and I have no more comment about it," she told AFP. "I am not going to discuss anything about it."
Thing is, presumably, the offense is giving a non-human communion. One wonders if the Higher Power finds it as equally offensive as some church members. The whole incident has made some people smile but one parishioner took it further and filed a complaint with the Toronto Diocese.
There's a nice photo of Trapper who is luckily oblivious over the stir he caused here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100728/wl_canada_afp/canadareligionanimaloffbeat_20100728141055
So a man and his 5-year old pooch, Trapper, walk into an Anglican church in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and the man wants communion. Nothing wrong with that - right? Think so? The priest welcomed the pair and when it was time for the human to receive communion, his dog followed him. The priest, Margaret Rea, didn't see anything wrong with giving both human and pooch communion, an act which is causing an uproar.
Rea said she had nothing to add to the apology she has already offered to her congregation.
"The incident is done, it's over and I have no more comment about it," she told AFP. "I am not going to discuss anything about it."
Thing is, presumably, the offense is giving a non-human communion. One wonders if the Higher Power finds it as equally offensive as some church members. The whole incident has made some people smile but one parishioner took it further and filed a complaint with the Toronto Diocese.
There's a nice photo of Trapper who is luckily oblivious over the stir he caused here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100728/wl_canada_afp/canadareligionanimaloffbeat_20100728141055
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